You can’t have a rainbow without a little rain!

SUBMISSION

Within the time span of two years, My boyfriend and first love of two years broke up with me. Senior year was hell and I got back into the habit of shutting myself from the world and taking the pain out on myself, I carved words of hate onto my wrists, legs and stomach. He made me believe that sooner or later we were going to get back together, he told me how much he loved me on christmas day, only to run off and get a girlfriend two days later..I found out on new years, I came home to check facebook only to have figured out that he blocked me. He didn’t have the balls to tell me himself, but still managed to say he loved me and ask for nudes two weeks into their relationship. I feel disgusted with myself looking back at how easily I gave into him. The cuts got deeper, there wasn’t a day that went by that I cried.

A few months pass by, I was still depressed, but I tried not to let it show. Until my best friend, my rock, the one person who helped me through it all,  said her dad had a job interview in florida. I felt selfish, hoping that he wouldn’t get the job. But he did.
I didn’t know how to feel. To lose my first love one summer, and my best friend the next made me feel like I had just been shot in the chest. I tried to stay strong for her, I wouldn’t show her how upset I truly was. I tried to make the best of the time we still had together, making us closer and taking a picture together everyday. She spent my 18th birthday with me.
Moving day came a lot faster than I had prepared for..I told myself that I wasn’t going to cry, but I only seemed to cry harder.

I got closer to one of my gay guy friends, I was starting to actually feel decently happy again, only for him to get sent to prison in september.

It was nearing the end of october when I got a text around midnight, I had high hopes that it would’ve been my ex.
           it was.
I was beyond furious with him. But at the same time, I had hope that he would want to stick around and be friends again. Just when I had thought I was done crying over him, he said he missed me and wanted to hang out. We ended up hooking up and that was the last time we’ve hung out. Needless to say, we stopped talking in the middle of january when his last girlfriend came back around. I truly figured out the boy that he is, and haven’t cried over him or even talked to him in a month and a half now. Though I would really enjoy sending him a strongly worded text message to him. 

The person that was “in love” with me, had a baby and is getting married in may..i wish i had the balls to stop him and actually give us a chance to be together, but why would i want to be with someone who told me to “go kill myself”? When they first had that baby, I drove them everywhere they needed to be, bought their son clothing, and bought them food constantly. But because I didn’t want his son to grow up without a father{she gave him an ultimatum it was her or me} and wasn’t selfish, I chose to lose a great friend and I’M still the bad person here? I’ve left them alone, I haven’t talked about them badly but I still get constantly told I’M the bad person?! For what letting them live their lives? They don’t have any reason to be mad at me, but even if they did, telling me that I need to go KILL myself is a little out of line because if i get into a car accident, he’ll regret saying that to me. Cuz as much as I hate his girlfriend, I would NEVER say that to someone.  

I’ve been through a lot the past year and a half, and I’m finally starting to become decently happy again. I get my anger towards my ex out by listening to country music{: 

Moral of the story is, it truly DOES get better. 

SUBMISSION